Like a rolling stone

2005-11-20T06:21:00.000-08:00

I moved my blog, it's now on my yahoo 360 if you know it.

2005-11-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

Hoa sữa vẫn ngọt ngào đầu phố đêm đêm...

Đêm qua đang phóng xe máy ngoài đường, tự nhiên mùi hoa sữa xộc vào mũi, thơm ơi là thơm. Hít hà tận hưởng mà không ngờ có một ngày đầu tháng 11 vẫn còn hoa thơm thế này. Trời bắt đầu se se rồi, người mặc áo kín cổ cao tường kẻ vẫn phong phanh áo cộc tay, quần ngố. Hà Nội tẻ tẻ mà cũng có lúc dễ thương quá.

Tigon trước nhà

2005-11-06T00:09:00.000-08:00

A song for Sunday

2005-10-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe the end of October can be this chilly. Yesterday the weather report said it could go as low as 18 degrees C this week, which took me by surprise. I always believed this tiny tropical city to be relatively heated, even in winter, but this is proving me that the chill can attack anytime now. In the most gentle and capricious way that it does...

I know my friends somewhere in the world may be missing Hanoi so much right now. The chill can stir romantic feelings for the most un-romantic person, and this might be one of the most memorable moments of Hanoi for the homesick hearts. May I just say, though, I MISS NEW YORK! This time last year, in a similar chill, I was one of the 8 million creatures in that island of Manhattan, dancing the swirling dance of Times Square, marveling the lights of Brooklyn Bridge, and opening my window to the Dutch architectural delights of 10th Avenue. This is but the most early warning that my New York nostalgia will be gripping with each winter wind...

2005-10-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

2:47 -- tiếp tục bình loạn

This time, about Gofugyourself.com, the allegedly most hilarious site you've ever seen in your life. I discovered it first while learning about ways to make money online (obviously some people can make huge bucks just by blurbing out things as bitchy as possible -- wondering why Thanglong is not profiting yet?). Anyway, today is the first time I read it in full, and I have to take back my words said to a friend who LOVES this: this stuff is so witty, roll-off-your stomach funny, and downright accurate because the fashion taste of these people sometimes make you even wonder if they are at all sane.

Anyway, i was about to comment on the shoes. It's been a long time since I've seen the NY style shoes, and being a girl still, the sight stirs a lot of feeling. The flat-platformed ballet shoes that I sooo loved, and the elegant pointy ones... Crushes my heart that there's none like that here. None that can capture that elegance. Like those black pointies of Kirsten Dunst.

These boots of Lohan reminds me of Tidenbz's thift-store deals ;-) A very similar pair, i think

There's no shoes in this pic of Brit's wedding, but its comments recall something else.

quote "The less said about the trashy "November Rain"-inspired wedding mini the better. Although I'm sure Axl Rose, who's clearly, like, living at an EconoLodge in Los Banos right now, reading People and eating chicken off of Buckethead's...bucket...is probably wondering how he can get some people again, so he can have them call Britney's people and arrange a meeting."

Axl, my teenage star, is but allegedly classic. People still remember him--how touching! But what he is doing now, i dont even want to find out. It's too sad. :-(

2005-10-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

Không ngủ được, lại phải mò mẫm lên "trang điểm ko gương."

Bình chèo
Tuần trước đi xem chèo, hay thật. Lâu lắm rồi mà nghe lại vẫn nhớ, giọng Quốc Chiêm ngọt lịm như hồng xiêm chín, cái mặt bị phủ cả đống son phấn hóa trang trông như mặt nạ không nhận ra nét nào vào nét nào, mà cái giọng vẫn làm người ta say... Diễn viên kép đâu ra đấy, vẫn hát í ì i, í ì i hay mê li, xiêm áo lộng lẫy lòe xòe trên sân khấu nguy nga của Nhà Hát Lớn. Chả hiểu sao thấy sung sướng hệt như đứa trẻ con dân thường choáng ngợp trước cái vẻ hoàng tộc của các vua quan uy phong trên kia. Tự nhiên hiểu ra sao ngày xưa người ta sùng vua quan một cách vô lý như vậy. Mỗi cái lấp lánh kia là một giấc mơ lung linh, lung linh, giấc mơ của cô bé bán diêm soi rọi cuộc đời thực đầy cái xấu xa tàn nhẫn đáng buồn. Bây giờ chả có gì để mà mơ ngoài cái SUV, cuộc sống đâm tẻ. Có lẽ cái gần nhất với cái không khí mơ mộng lung linh ý là ở sàn diễn thời trang, nhưng mà kiểu thứớt tha kiều diễm như Coco Chanel hay Lagerfield chứ ko phải mấy em ưỡn ẹo chân dài với mấy bộ kệch cỡm a lô xô nhà mình. (Cái này là cũng là cắp ý của bác Gopnik thôi, chứ đã bao giờ xem catwalk live show đâu mà biết được--chỉ thấy là trên TV cũng hoành tráng lắm rồi...)

Bình văn
Đang đọc một chú tên Nguyễn Vĩnh Nguyên, đoán là tầm 25 là căng, giọng văn hơi hao hao NTHLinh. Cứ cựa quậy như cái chồi non đang nứt mình vươn ra, đau đau, mà vẫn còn non quá. Các bài viết na ná nhau, cũng những ám ảnh bức bách chính trị xã hội giới tính, cũng những ước lệ về quan hệ đàn ông đàn bà, cha mẹ con cái, bạn bè... Chả đem lại cái gì mới. Đọc xong chỉ thấy thương thế hệ mình, quẩn quanh ở những câu không đầu đũa, những đoạn văn ko thể dài hơn nửa trang giấy, ý tứ vụn vặt mãi không đâu vào đâu. Chitchat email nhiều quá, suy nghĩ chưa kịp vuông vắn đã thở ra ngoài hết rồi. Nhưng người ta ko gọi là khủng hoảng, mà gọi là xu hướng thế hệ mới. Chắc chỉ có người hoài cổ lẩn thẩn là để ý so sánh mà thôi.

Bình người
Có những người gặp mấy tháng mà như tri kỷ. Có những người quen vài năm mà chẳng hiểu hết. Có những người quen vài ngày đã nghĩ hiểu mình hết, nhưng vài năm sau vẫn hình như chẳng hiểu gì. Thật lạ.

Có những người hợp duyên, cứ gặp là không bao giờ hết chuyện, ko phải giải thích dài dòng, không phải dè chừng câu chữ. Thật sướng.

Có những người giống như mặt hồ nước trong, soi vào đó thấy thanh tịnh và yêu đời. Thật ấm lòng.

Bình mất ngủ
Mất ngủ rất là sợ. Tự nhiên ở ngoài mưa rào rào một cái, run bắn cả mình. Lên mạng gặp bạn, thế là lại ngồi cả tiếng buôn bán tí tách, không ngủ được nữa. Bây giờ ngoài kia lại có tiếng gì như trẻ con khóc ơ hờ, rất hãi!

2005-10-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

Full of fun weekends

Although i cant see my posts anymore (what's happening to blog pages in Vietnam?), i have to continue writing, for fear that the memories will escape...So here it is-an account of how my decadence has taken shape these days.

I had the best weekends these days. Last week was a biking trip to a fishing spot in Cau Duong, about 15km away from Hanoi. Fresh air, beautiful sights, and funny friends made it all worthwhile for five of us, aldults in full, to pedal way out of the city in our tiny bicycles, passing all the ridiculed eyes of city dwellers and villains alike. I paid a high price for that, though, getting sick for 4 days afterwards--a "drastic effect" of sudden and rigorous activation on a long idle body. Pictures are here if you want to see our smashing fun ;-)

This weekend was a different (and much more laid-back) experience. I spent most of the time home with my family, listening to my new cds of Vietnamese Music (Thanh Lam-Minh Son, and Khanh Ly-TCS). So cheesy, i know, but i couldnt help it. TCS still has the best music ever- songs like Mu*a ho^`ng are eternally charming and I can sing to them all day long! And Thanh Lam, the best singer in Vietnam. I listened to her and couldn't help missing my NY girl -- we were hanging out in Union Square back in spring when she listened to this on her iPod. Couldn't quite understand why she was so fanatic to TL, but now I think i got it. I think ppl are not drawn to her at first because her music is not smooth, but stuff like "Nguoi` oi nguoi` o?" ... can be mystically captivating if you listen long enough. Like the woman herself...

I also watched Lynch's Blue Velvet and remembered a fond memory last year with a Lynch fan. And I went to see cheo` with Ms. Culi, another perk of the weekend =) Pictures and account to come.

2005-10-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

Got cable TV, at last!

I only saw a bit of MTV today, right on a series of rock stars. So i saw Kurt Cobain again, screaming what I think was Smell like Teen Spirit..., not so sure. I never actually saw much of him when I was a rock fan back 8 years ago, but the aura of his death-hence of Rock's deadliness, added much to my passion. And of course, he's freaking beautiful, so beautiful it hurts!

Never forget what he wrote in his diary--i read it one day in the gym. After tormented notes about the very troubled romance with Ms. Love, he ended it (to his wife): "I totally love you."

It was, and still is, the best line I've ever heard. I totally love you.

2005-09-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

There are things that reccur in your mind when you least expect it. I dreamt about my old school on a commencement day the other day--it was so real, except i was no longer a freshman with all anticipations of college life but a veteran looking at the next generation of mine marching on. I miss school life inexorably. Maybe because I have this huge banner of my class on my wall everyday, reminding me where i was, where i am. Also, I watched "Anywhere but Here" the other day, and this part where Nat. Portman was going off to college (Brown!) at the end, it felt like all first-year memories coming up again. Then I really felt for the poor kids at my own college, they probably had an equally hard time and a big hit in the face about college experience, but i was too concentrated on my own problems I wouldnt even know. I just felt nostalgic about the whole experience, wishing somehow I could be there once again.

Been trying to put together my self-made "I Heart New York" poster this past week. It actually took less than half an hour for the collage, but weeks to fetch the carton. I had been very excited by the idea, because then I'd open my eyes every morning and remember how much the city inspired me, where I had been, what I had done there... But sometimes it just seemed like a stupid idea. I hate being tied by past experiences, we live to move on. We all move on.

The other day I stumbled into the Dep. exhibition in a showroom next to truong` My Thuat. Yet' Kieu. A very pro collection (in my in-expert eyes), i must say. Some of the works reminded me of Ha's artistic style, like this one. Maybe because of its 3D impression, or the random dots and curls-- i dont know. Just like something taken from her Year Book:

I think they, Le Brothers, might be one of the strongest design and publishing firm in Hanoi. The catelogue looked SO cool it almost blew me away.

2005-09-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

News news news

Just saw today a friend's company website: http://im-biz.com/ Very impressed. The company started up with a small office and a few guys but has expanded exponentially in the past couple of years, or so I've heard, or at least it has evolved to have a much more professional website which increases its chance to boost its reliability to first onlookers. It's a pity many good companies here havent been stressed enough about how important their look is on the Internet, hence their very lousy websites.

Personally, I have rarely seen any Vietnamese website trying to present the company in English that has no grammatical or spelling error, so I have very high respect for one that does. Also, I believe very few things can pull off with more than 3 colors, be it clothes or website, so unless you are really tasteful you should stick with a couple that makes you look slick and classy. And if you are like me you should probably aim for edgy things, as well.

On to bigger news, New York City has commissioned a Spanish based ad company to design ALL ads on its bus stations and buses in the city for the next 20 years. Imagine that!!!! New York will become the next Barcelona on top of its current melting pot? How COOL would that be?

2005-09-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

My Tam and media

I watched the DVD of My Tam's gig last year again last night, third time in a month i think. Usually i dont care much for Vmese pop, except for earlier My Linh, my all-time favorite, but there's something about the young singer that so turned me on and that made me want to turn to her as a de-stress resort. Ok she might be in the lower end of my cultural list, but for entertainment value, she has such an enigma, always full of energy in her voice and her move. It's official, i am a MT fan, whatever people say!

Caught on the net an email exchange about Time Warner corporate culture today and got pretty shocked. The inside of the media world can be bitterly dark

Date: Oct 18, 2000 1:18 PM EST
What goes around comes around. I worked there for three years and saw upper level management at my network get fired or "resign" every six months to one year. For the little people, there is stability but no upward mobility. For the big boys and girls, there is no stability. That boss who pisses you off today may be gone tomorrow. And their ass-kissing henchman usually leave with them (or are secretly forced to). Too political for your tastes? That's entertainment! By the way, the pay sucks too.

Maybe it's like that everywhere, i just havent known yet

2005-09-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

i LOVE this business... Everyday I find something interesting. Today is a commencement speech of Time Warner's director for New York University, my dream school:

New York University Commencement (As prepared)
President Sexton, faculty, distinguished guests and graduates of the class of '04...
On behalf of myself and my fellow honorary-degree recipients, thank you for allowing us to share this special day
While we've been spared small details such as tuition, term papers or finals, we're as excited as you to receive a degree from this great university at the heart of the most diverse and vibrant city on earth.
Educationally, by choosing NYU, you've encountered truly great teachers and challenging courses.
Culturally, as citizens of the big apple, you've absorbed its storied mix of soul, style and self-expression.
Nutritionally, as denizens of Greenwich Village, you've had a healthy balance of the four major food groups.....
falafel .....sushi.....double-latte .....and ray's pizza.
In your time at NYU, you've lived through one of the most eventful, tumultuous and unpredictable periods in our nation's history ..... peace and war ...... prosperity and recession ..... recovery and uncertainty .....
And all that by your sophomore year!
You've also confronted some of the universe's deepest, most perplexing questions--What is the meaning of Life? Does God exist? Is it possible to find an affordable apartment below 191st Street?
Thanks to the knowledge you've gained in the classroom and the lessons you've learned by living in New York City, there's no limit to what you can achieve.
Before long, hopefully, you'll trump the competition and hear those magical, now famous words: "You're hired! "
Today, Nothing I say will add to or subtract from what you've already achieved.
But since tradition requires that I at least try to offer some departing bit of wisdom, let me briefly cite two observations from my own experience.
First, if you want fulfillment as well as employment, do something you're passionate about.
It took me a while to grasp that truth.
Uninterested in most of what I studied in college, I figured, while it's true hard work never killed anybody, why take any chances?
It wasn't until I reached law school that I discovered the difference it makes when your mind and imagination are engaged by a task; how when you love what you do, work becomes something to be enjoyed rather than endured.
To those who've found their passion, congratulations.
To those who haven't, don't stop looking until you do.
Second, if you want to be remembered for more than the size of your income or the square footage of your living space, seek to serve some good greater than your own.
To one degree or another, each of us has learned that lesson at the hands of parents, grandparents, teachers, clergy, friends, spouses, significant others--those who've gone out of their way to support and encourage us.
Yet the reason I'm here today isn't just because I've been blessed with supportive parents and a wise spouse.
In a wider sense, a revolutionary decision of the U.S. Supreme Court handed down almost fifty years ago to the day, May 17, 1954, opened the path for me and millions of others to a future far different from what our ancestors had known.
Brown v. Board of Education, which struck down the legal segregation of America's public schools, was argued by giants of the law such as Thurgood Marshall and Jack Greenberg.
That victory was part of a longer process, which reached back to Reconstruction and looked forward to the Civil Rights struggle. It involved blacks and whites, northerners and southerners, Christians, Jews and non-believers, united in their refusal to accept that a country as great as ours had to resign itself to the lie of "separate but equal."
Brown is a milestone on a road we're still traveling.....away from a past of mandated inequality for some.....toward a future of opportunity and justice for all.
The question is, will we stay the course? Will we open the door to the millions still trapped by poverty and the legacy of injustice and discrimination?
More to the point, Will those who gather here fifty years from now remember your courage and your commitment? Will they recall what you did to bring about a society in which at long last, as Dr. King put it, people are "judged on the content of their character, not the color of their skin"?
As a nation and as a world, our journey to freedom comes down to this: change happens because we make it happen, because along with seeking improvement in our own lives, we're able to join hands to help those still left out or excluded.
As graduates of the most prestigious urban university in America, you'll be leaders in bringing about change.
Thanks to you--to the education and ideals you take with you from NYU, to your passion and intellect, to your commitment and understanding--I have every confidence that you'll help lead us to a better world.....
not just more prosperous.....although that is an end to be desired....but filled with more fairness, opportunity, freedom, creativity and love.
Give 'em hell!

2005-09-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have been drowsing all these days, for the exhaustion of work and the madness of my schedule. Then this woke me up

... Carlo told him of Old Bull Lee, Elmer Hassel, Jane: Lee in Texas growing weed, Hassel on Riker's Island, Jane wandiering on Times Square in a benzedrine hallucination. with her baby girl in her arms and ending up in Belle-vue. And Dean told Carlo of unknown people in the West like Tommy Snark, the clubfooted poolhall rotation sharlk and cardplayer and queer saint. He told him of Roy Johnson, Big Ed Dunkel, his boyhood buddies, his street buddies, his innumerable grls and sex-parties and pornographic pictures, his heroes, heroines, adventures. They rushed down the street together, digging everything in the early way they had, which later became so much sadder and perceptively blank. But then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing al lmy life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman cadles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centrelight pop and everyone goes "Awwww!" What did they call such young people in Goethe's Germany? ....

~ From On the Road - Jack Kerouac

Such writing is the epitome of effective and powerful. Effective because its rhythm catches up with the burning energy of youth that the author wants to capture by words--the most elusive and deceitful tool one can have to express himself. Powerful because it excites us by its pulsation. I haven't gotten past page 15 yet but I want to swallow this book. It just looks SO good!

On the other note, I watched 2046 this past weekend, a much slower piece of artwork. Can't say I understand everything, but the whole mood of the movie is just so freaking sad. I wish there were a more resolute ending and less of the wishy-washiness always associated with unrequitted love in a French type of movie. Everyone in such kind of movie falls in love by remaining silent, making love, or slapping each other(!?). Very frustrating, because at the end you are left hung up on unanswered questions and dissatisfaction about how things are concluded.

This is a great one cinematographically though. The music is penetrating (I fell in love, for the first time, with opera music), and all the actresses are but exquisitely pretty. And the whole movie inevitably stirs in you all questions about love, relationship, past and present. All impractical kinds of questions that should be put in a closet once the weekend ends...

2005-09-07T02:23:00.000-07:00

Arggggggggggggggg I canttt writeeee

I used to think blogging may hopefully help me become a more fluent writer. Wrong. For what I am worth I haven't written quite enough in the past week. All words and expressions escape me as I struggle to write anything down. Very depressing.

Anyway, I've been browsing a great photo book about changes in the American society during the 20th century (one of those forbidden materials I intend to poison my friend H. with once she's done with her exam). In the book, landmarks of sociopolitical and cultural changes are portrayed through original photos with a short caption explaining the context: first black kid in a white school, first skyscraper, first bra, Elvis and Madonna, etc. I discovered a host of fascinating things. For example, did you know that the first bra, a patented invention , was originally made by stitching two handkechiefs together? Or to protect a tree from being chopped down, a young woman decided to climb up on it and stayed for months until the administration bailed the decision to raze the area for construction, and now it has become a national park. The heroine was supported by local citizens who gave her food supply in a bucket wired to her nest. I mean, how crazy was that?

She was 23 years old. I am 23 years old. I sit in an office, surf net, read, write, blog, and converse with people I don't know through a stupid forum. And feel eternally anxious about what comes next in life. How sad.

2005-09-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

National Day!

A parade in Ba Dinh square and masses of people on the street. Wanting to have a snapshot of the National Day spirit, I decided to take the motorbike and get out of the house at 8:30pm, after a whole day staying bored at home to avoid the crowd (refer to the Tipping Point by Macolm Gladwell for an analysis of this over-the-edge boredom). What a spontaneous (i.e. foolish) decision! I found myself stuck in one of the most crowded spot of Hanoi, at the end of Hang Gai street, the bottleneck connecting Hang Bong and Hoan Kiem Lake where the firework shooting would take place. A lot of teens, couples, a lot of dads taking their kids on their shoulders and marching in the crowd, some foreigners who must have felt baffled, sympathetic and annoyed at the same time... I didn't take any picture (there wouldn't be anything in view but people's shoulders and butts anyway), just tried to grab my bag close to me and stood still in the unmoving stream. The admosphere was quite heated from sweaty people around. I realized too that there are a lot of pretty trendy teen girls out there whose beauty and youth you cant help but envy, but a lot of them unfortunately need to rework their attitude problem, especially when fighting their way in a sea of people like this.

Despite the nuisance, when the firework started shooting up, i felt strangely moved, not so much by the glittering light itself but by the people around me watching the spectacle. There was a sense of unitedness and harmony in the crowd all fixing their eyes on the fantastic light circles on the sky, all happy and mesmerized. Perhaps this is the moment when the festive spirit of the day started to sink in, a special time when everyone can feel special for the same reason at the same time. It was "wicked awesome" being one of them in this very minute.

Talking of "wicked"* , today I received this from a college friend who's also leaving for Asia soon:

i think i will miss new york (and jersey) too... i already miss maine. i went up there last week with van and met khoa, michelle, adrian, and alex there. we were supposed to go camping, but ended up just hanging around brunswick instead. it was great, cool, summer weather and we discovered lobster roll sandwiches, which are AWESOME! very good. it's a hot dog roll toasted and stuffed with fresh, shelled lobster and topped with butter. mmmm....

happy national day. all the pictures in the papers here show goose-stepping soldiers. i'd like to see some of those sites in hanoi, by the way!

I claimed to him that I missed New York, and now he makes me miss Maine, too. When you travel too much you have to subside that kind of feelings, I know. But talking about food, especially lobster, how much pain can that kind of memory bring? I'd say A LOT, especially with someone with 24/7 appetite like me.

Great news: Bowdoin has also retained its Number One ranking in food countrywide, too. Woohoo! Like an old love, the school still stirs my world whenever I think about it, read about it, talk about it.

* Wicked is a local slang of the New Englanders, meaning very, extremely, or most accurately f**king as in the sentence Bowdoin is f**king awesome :-)

2005-08-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

I hate Martha Stewart

The woman is a filthy rich bitch who created an empire based on her disgusting cookie-cutter glamorous image. After getting out of jail she's even creating more desire for people to be like her. Arggggg

2005-08-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

Because my beloved friend doesnt want me to link her blog and I desperately want to quote her superb writing, this blog is dedicated to the guest star-with the conscious intention that all who read this share their opinion:

Quote
Pop Inc.
Was flicking through channels this morning and VTV3 caught my attention immediately. They were showing their weekly music program (bulletin, watever...) hosted by their affable female VJ, Ngoc Linh. It looked like a civilised show. Until I realised the barbarous act of putting Ronan Keating's video on air. And then, worse, Aaron Carter! That's right, the teenybooper who built a ding-ding "career" (end of ding-ding) out of his BackstreetBoys brother. And how do I know him? I lived in Vietnam until 1998, when Aaron stormed the Vmese charts with "Crazy little party girl" (to be honest that was a tuneful song, albeit a stupid one). 7 years later, Vietnam still hasn't got over him. I don't think he's even known in the US, except to 12-year-old-girls in serious therapy. Enough said, I was revolted by the show. To those who disagree with me, this is not about different tastes in music, it is about an evolution of senses. Respect your ears, it's one of the gates to your soul. One should never be polluted by this stench. It's OK to have guilty pleasures like Ronan Keating and God forbid, Aaron Carter at a dusty corner of your room, but to put them there in public and let them rot people's ears is a fucking crime.The situation is truly desperate. It reflects how far behind our country have lagged in the international integration process, even by regional standards, and even in superficial measures such as the pop scene. To see how drastic this is, just imagine a Vietnamese kid at an international conference trying to mingle with the European crowd by breaking the ice with "So you guys into Aaron Carter or what?". Being into dead cockroaches would have seemed less abnormal.

End quote

I started work today, and this is what i do: researching what the media is all about. Considering blog is a growingly popular form of media, my reading someone's blog during office time can be considered serious work :)

2005-08-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

Bắt đầu trời vào đông
nhìn hàng cây trơ lá
những tháng dài chờ trông
từ ngày anh vắng xa
anh đi làm nhung nhớ
niềm nhung nhớ chơi vơi
bây giờ là tháng hai
sao vẫn còn mưa rơi

Thế rồi trời vào xuân
tưởng rằng anh sẽ đến
những tháng dài màn đêm
nào ngờ anh đã quên
anh đi về nơi ấy
về nơi ấy xa xôi
bây giờ là tháng tư
sao vẫn còn mưa rơi

Sao ta vẫn còn ôm ấp mãi
cuộc tình đã ra đi
sao mưa vẫn còn rơi
giăng mắc lối em về
dù là đắng cay
ta vẫn yêu người ấy
ta vẫn đợi vẫn chờ

Thế rồi trời vào thu
nhìn hàng cây trút lá
những tháng dài chờ trông
từ ngày anh vắng xa
trên con đường em bước
một chiếc bóng đơn côi
bây giờ là tháng mười
sao vẫn còn mưa rơi...

Troi` thang' 8 mu*a xam` xi` suot' ngay. Troi` mu*a tu*. nhie^n nho*' nha.c Du'c Huy, hay ko the^? ta? Buon` ma` ko sau`, nhe. nhang` ma` ko uy? mi. Ba ^y gio` ma` duoc. nghe em Dalena ha't dem. dan` guitare thi` que^n sau`.

I started work today, officially. Read a chapter on media and culture and I thought about the golden era of the American culture--the times of breakthroughs like Elvis, Madonna, and the Beatlemania. I wish I were living in one of those periods. There seems to be so much energy back then as there was a real hype, a real connection between cultural phenomenon and everything else that pulsates a society. The US is past that period; everything we see and hear now are saturated and artificial. We cannot take information in without a spoonful, not a pinch, of salt. We don't believe anything while being constantly i nundated with news, info, entertainment, all of which are filthy with cheap sensationalism.

Or am I the excessively cynical one that should be weeded out of the system?

Anyway, my biggest question is whether Vietnam or any other country can repeat that innocent age, say, the 60s or even 80s, when there was yet any internet or cable and pointy bra was seen as not only a sex symbol but also a token for individuality and brave audacity, when everything worth being famous had to have a new, exciting, and truly groundbreaking element to it. The sad thing is, there is not yet any pointy bra in this country, but if there were it would be deemed either a mediocre copycat or a telling sign of social decadence. We may not have reached that glorious point but we may never reach it anyway.

2005-08-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

Forever young

Especially to my avid blog reader, you know who you are ;-)

I am wondering whether I am old enough that I am starting to appreciate youth. Looking at all the youngsters I met this summer, the 84s and 85s and 86s-- i started to realize the beauty of their age, with all hopes and dreams, no torment from past experiences, no worry yet about what lies ahead. Even their brokenheartedness is cute (the boys drank until they got wasted out, probably thinking this would be the end of the world--the puppy love cute that has once made me so annoyed by its seeming childishness. So, i'd take it back, younger people can move me deeply, and if that's a sign of growing up then we should drink to cheer for it.

As the end of summer draws near, there is always an inevitable moment of retrospect and a twinge of nostalgia. I've been marinating this tiny little thought in my head ever since the summer euphora started to ebb .... I wonder if there is anything as delicate and precious as the compassion people have for each other in this life. Romance may come and go, money may come and go, even the best parties won't last. The only thing that goes through life with us is this palpable sense of connection and sympathy that we share, maybe at one point in life, maybe all life long. I don't think people realize it enough because we usually run around with all sorts of preoccupations: careers, empty pockets, unrequited loves, girlfriends, boyfriends, relationship problems, etc. etc. In the end, though, we are all humans and we know there are only a few things that are stable and that last: our own dignity, our family and our friends. The only things I'd hate to lose.

I haven't drunk anything today, thank you very much.

2005-08-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

In Hoi An, beautiful ocean, nice people, warm friendship... But I miss Hanoi. I miss having a truly good time there. Take me back.

2005-08-16T05:37:00.000-07:00

Top song of the day: Falling for you

By a string of random events, i ended up in a comfy air-conditioned room on the top floor of the World Bank building with two white, young, clean cut, executive-looking type men in formal suit and tie. Guess what's the topic of their presentation: hygenic, or the lack thereof, of latrines in rural households in Vietnam. If this still doesnt sound abnormal, question what all the white men in suit and tie, sitting in the comfiest rooms with the nicest views of Hanoi, creaming the huge aid budgets, are doing around this country. I think many are drafting up proposals to reduce poverty, mitigate catastrophes and whatever ambitious objectives they think they can achieve. I believe they are well-equipped with the prestigious education and the cultural awareness about this country, even if it is many times an annoyingly condescending and one-sided view. But I was on the top of Tungshing Square Building with an USAID official and I felt very bitter, because here he is in this cool nice room looking out to the Red River's fantastic view, planning all these multi-million dollar projects, probably never knowing how hard it is to really be in that heat out there working, never really understanding the complexity of poverty in this country from an empirical perspective. Why should he be? He spends thousands of dollars on an antique piece and eats meals in the topnotch restaurant in town, and whatever happens to the poor that he's trying to help probably does not hurt him that much anyway. Very understandably, my view with the whole development world at the top has been marred by that skepticism for a long time now.

But there are two respectable white men today who talked about how to build a hygienic and affordable latrine for the poorest men and women in the countryside. They presented with passion the ways to make the "clean latrine-better health" concept viable in people's mind, strategies to sell this simple idea to everyone in this tiny country. They wanted to adjust their methods to make the concept hit home everywhere, be it a coastal or moutaineous areas, and they even sought to avoid alienating any group of audience by a strange accent in an informercial clip...

To think about the attention they pay for small details that make a difference. To think that such creativity, energy and enthusiasm have fallen into a void many times before they can move and shake a governmental body to listen to them. To think how many years they have done this, going to villages to fix the seemingly smallest problems and to motivate people to invest for their own good. These men deserved my heart's gold medal, for I have rarely seen anything more inspiring.

Call it a leap of faith ....

2005-08-13T03:44:00.000-07:00

RANDOM PICTURES

Chinatown, NYC July 2005
( Billy Joel's New York State of Mind kills me)

Culi Cafe at its best (August 12, 2005, a rainy day)

And its owner at his best
Nicest (artificially) dirty blond Aussie you can meet in Hanoi

2005-08-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

This song is to memorize the agonizing period of life when disillusion, disappointment and confusion seem to shadow everything else in life - the inevitable so-called "quarter life crisis" (Americans label everything, e-ve-ry-thing)

Listening to this song, I always remember my hurried walks up and down the tunnel between the subway rides, on the late L train late at night and the walk home where I was using music to amuse myself and divert my attention away from any unpleasant scene around ... I remember daggling around Times Square, feeling drowned by the towers, by the paradoxical emptiness and an inevitable twinge of bitterness that they create in the admosphere. I remember being amazed by how this song was so me, so much of everyone in this stage of life. No wonder why Bob became the music guru of a period.

Anyway, here comes the song -- cheers to Bob Dylan

LIKE A ROLLING STONE

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware doll, you're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns
When they all come down and did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain't no good
You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts and things
But you'd better lift your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

2005-08-08T10:13:00.001-07:00

Can't sleep, so naturally i turn to writing as my sheep-counting device

It's the one-month anniversary of my return today, and I already feel like this is the best things I have ever decided to do. There are so many things to do here, so much I want to learn, so much warmth and smashing blasting fun. I wish I could thank God for this, but too bad I don't believe in God so I just thank my friends who know they make my day :-)

I met an American man today who reminded me of New York. He is white but has a Bronx accent which i first mistook to be Brooklyn accent, and a manner that says I am quaint, artsy, sharp, court and bitchy, but I am cool ... that sorta vibe. The man was a public health professional but has recently turned into collecting Vietnamese ethnic minority relics and built up a business. He has a freaking huge collection of ethnic minorities antiques for someone who has been here for barely 5 years, and he talks about the Met collection as if the Met were in his neighborhood... Anyway, he is a typical hippie, the New York kind. I don't know how to describe that better. I still think it's really cool to be those New Yorkers, even though if you are not born one you will hardly ever become one.

Lest I forget, I may start work early next month. Woohoo !!!

2005-08-07T23:11:00.000-07:00

In case I forget

A poem by Ms. Ha Do

Thất nghiệp đi sơn nhà(August 8, 2005)

Lấm lem bụi đời loằng ngoằng tay chân múa cọ nhếch mép nhổ toet miếng cơm nửa sống nửa chín xuống sàn nhà ngổn ngang vãi vương đỏ đen xanh tím vàng khè tắc kè tặc lưỡi đêm mùa hè bứt rứt bịn rịn mồ hôi

Hehe

2005-08-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

TOP OF THE WORLD

There are things at home that make me very happy. For example, seeing the view of Hanoi from the top of Sheraton Hotel today, and feeling like I am free as a bird, living on top of the world:

Or walking on the street of Hanoi one hot afternoon, feeling finally that I do belong:

Or being with mom (who can be the most fun woman most of the time)

Cheese! :-)

Or having a heart to heart conversation with some friends, for which I am really grateful. One of them told me today: "There is no experience as bad experience. If you fail on one road, so what, you haven't died! One of the lessons I learned in life is not to take grudge with the past while going on living the present." Sounds corny, i know, but sometimes it helps to be corny, otherwise you are always behind a shitty mask of a clown.

2005-08-01T19:24:00.001-07:00

Book review

I took a serious look at some of the Vietnam Economics Times yesterday and was rather disappointed. The writing seems pretty similar to the way news and commentary are done in other journals in Vietnam -- formulaic, indulgent (or hopeful, one might say?), and not always with insight and analysis. A lot of things are to be fixed in terms of language use. But again, all the writers for the English version of the journal are Vietnamese and probably many are experienced writers for this kind of writing in Vietnamese for many years, so this is predictable and understandable. To someone with little background of Vmese economic development, there are still many things worthy to learn.

On the topic of writing, I've been reading On writing well by W. Zinsser and thinking about one of the points he makes, which is to simplify what you write. If you have mastered the craft of writing simply and clearly, there is much less chance that your writing will make people misunderstand or doze off.

Writing is like any other way of communication, the plainer and more direct, the better. But politicians say "Many challenges are being faced in the Middle East military front which cannot be resolved in a foreseeable future" for what can be said as "Our fight in the Middle East has failed" not because they are bad speakers, but because they are afraid of addressing the truth frankly to the populace. It is a matter of propaganda, not communcation, and it can only be fixed by changing their hypocritic attitude.

You can say a thousand of different things just to mean that you care about someone because plunging into that area in that direct way is even scarier than going into a battle. It is probably not a matter of communication either, but of connection of the hearts. So you say what you say even if it's messy and unclear and confusing, and you can just hope that you've done your craft well enough that they understand no matter what.

2005-07-28T16:51:00.000-07:00

Impressive things

Impressive #1: Culi Cafe. A very trendy cafe with distinctive theme and very agreeable style. I haven't tasted the food there yet, but so far I love the feel--very warm fuzzy welcoming. I think the secret must be in the decor - the warm light, deep maroon walls, and especially futons that invite you to crash on, which I believe is suitable for everyone: tired tourists, people who want to read for leisure, lovers or friends who want to relax. There are also tons of magazines and books on the table that are right there for grasp. I was equally impressed by the owner's easygoing but professional manner. Educated in Vietnam and now running a very chic cafe on a street packed with tourists, she embraces the best of both world: the western professional style and the savvy of what's new and hip, and the humility and easygoingness of a young Vietnamese woman which makes her very approachable to Vietnamese and foreign customers alike. I think of it it as a happy way of being successful and staying bi-cultured in Vietnam.

Impressive #2: Vietnam Economic Review. The Vietnamese version might look mediocre but the English version is indeed spectacular -- at least from the outlook. "An Economist equivalent of Vietnam," was my first thought. More reviews will come once I read the content....

2005-07-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, so I turned 23 yesterday! I felt awefully old, 23 and not having accomplished a thing. I didnt want to celebrate, just secretly hoped that someone would remember and gave me a hug. But it ended up being a wonderful day. I received a gift from my dad, which I hadn't had the privelege to for all the years I was gone. Then old friends came with flowers and laughters. Suddenly I was all there, wishing this day would last a little longer, and there would be more gifts ;-) Anyhow, this is the gift I loved most: a puppy dog from a childhood friend

And this is my (in)famous birthday treat--my experiment with the new oven I just bought: a big flan that was mistakenly done with egg white and too much condensed sweet milk included. It turned out to be quite delicious. In fact, my good friend Nga had no trouble cajoling people to take bite after bite after telling them that this is a French cake bought at a bakery in town (i also secretly hope that no negative consequence ensued--at least none has been known up to 24 hours afterwards) lolz

I did have this twinge of bitterness that I am getting old and that I will be a bad housewife, if i ever become a housewife at all. But after all I was the one with flowers and gifts, what was i to complain about?

In case you are wondering, here are what i have been doing since my return to Hanoi:

VietAbroader Conference--helping my friends organize a conference for high school kids who want to study in America. This is one of our party moments while waiting for the conference to end ^^

Karaoke-ing

Partey-ing ;-)

Watching Six Feet Under (finished one season in 2 days, a(.c (ac. )

I do miss New York a lot, and I regret not having seen the Museum of Natural History, among many other places. I was obsessed with it from reading The Catcher in the Rye. But there are some spark of fun being here, too. Little by little, everything starts feeling more right, and I feel more fit into this little and interconnected world. I know once the routine sets in, it will be very hard to leave again.